Second Series Coming Soon!
We will be dropping a new Yearbook Photo periodically right here! Follow us on Twitter @ThrowawayDeck to stay updated...
Joe "The Sleepy Puppet" Biden
It is time to pull the mask down on this whole Weekend at Bernie's situation...oh look at that, his mouth is moving but no words are coming out. The results of Joe's mental status exam are also in. Observed bizarre behavior. Transient orientation to person, place, and time. Attention is distracted. Insight and judgement are poor. It feels like someone else is pulling the strings...
Jim "Court Jester" Cramer
Jim Cramer, TV Personality/Ex-Hedge Funder - Talking head. Coke Rat. Whatever you know him as, it’s always April Fools day with this fool! He hosts the informercial of the stock world, selling anything to the brainless. Mad Money, literally! Because you will be mad with what you just did with your money if you take his “not financial advice”—the only line of truth spoken by this clown.
Coming Soon!
Hester "Transparent" Peirce
Let’s get a warm welcome for our next guest who is a huge advocate for ... not you! With so much money and power backing big banks and Wall Street why would someone feel compelled to defend them? Good question. The person of the hour is Hester Peirce. Hester is for Wall Street and against market transparency. And as far as retail investors go? Eh … she is not interested. “But she is a commissioner at the SEC”! I know ... weird right?
Gary "Gone AWOL" Gensler
Is Gary collecting unemployment? Because he certainly is not working … Since starting at the SEC he has been completely AWOL to retail investors. The jury is still out on Gensler. Is he blind or turning a blind eye? The SEC certainly is not paying the big bucks, so who is?
Jerome "Line Leader" Powell
The weather man of the financial world. None other than Jerome Powell. He is our Jim Cantore, ready to weather out any storm and bring the real news to people. Financial predictions are hard, but not for JPow. He gets them right. When he does make mistakes? Well oops... he’ll tell you: "forecasting is not a perfect art, as you may have noticed."
Jamie "Greedy Gimp" Dimon
Possibly the worlds most generous banker. He cares about the people. When banks were having a hard time and the government stepped in to help, Jamie made sure JP Morgan Chase reached out their hand to their loyal customers as well...just kidding. They hit consumers with $1.5 billion in overdraft fees during the pandemic.
So kind and generous!
Janet "The Girl Scout" Yellen
Americas favorite girl scout, Janet Yellen. Community service and involvement keep her going. Just take a look at her badge to see all the agencies who support her…financially. And she genuinely didn't think there was going to be an inflationary problem. She absolutely was not paid to stall and minimize how much of a problem inflation is.
Nancy "Buy The Dip" Pelosi
Nancy is best known for her kind, gentle demeanor. She is so down to earth you would never know she was a politician. She is a public servant who never expects special treatment. She practices what she preaches. Her hobbies include Making American Great Again and helping her husband buy the best dips possible.
Oh and her eyebrows are naturally like that, it's called bone structure and it's genetics.
Ken "Perfectly Clear" Griffin
The business man who does it all—ethically and legally of course! Every agency who works with him reaps financial benefits, except for the American Public. Let's be perfectly clear, he always tells the truth under oath. And there is nothing wrong with PFOF, right?